Star Wars Episode II: The Attack Of The Clones - It's Not Very Good

Director: George Lucas
Cast: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Samuel L.Jackson, Frank Oz, Ian McDiarmid, Christopher Lee, Temuera Morrison,
Plot: Something about a clone army and a war that Jedi have to stop.



I'm not going to waste any time with this review because everyone knows this film is terrible, I just need to get it over with. When I rewatched 'Episode I' the other day for the first time in since I was young I was surprised at how much less I hated it (except Jar Jar of course), but this is another story - 'Attack of the Clones' is undoubtedly the worst 'Star Wars' film ever.

I'm going to be quick here because literally everything is wrong with this film. First of all every single actor is terrible, many of them try their best with the material they have but it is just awful. Christensen is annoying brat who looks like he might either cry or decapitate you, while Portman is hopeless as the deeply uninteresting Padme. McGregor is crap, Jackson is crap and Christopher Lee is..well not crap but essentially Christopher Lee. All these are fine actors but are made to look like line reading robots.

Then there is the story that makes no sense and has the worst romance sub plot ever seen on screen between Anakin and Padme. There is literally no reason these character would be attracted to one another, but they forced and pushed at one another by Lucas despite the fact that they have no chemistry and seem to have little connection. They have clunky bad dialogue about souls and hearts and Anakin makes a point about the roughness of sand, which ultimately adds up to sleep inducing drivel.

The editing is also awful with scenes ending and beginning at odd points and there are several occasions where it feels like a scene or two has gone missing. Add in boring, dull characters, a loveless love plot, a nonsensical story about a clone army that exists but somehow no one knows and robotic acting and you have one bad movie.

I am not even going to go into how crushingly disappointing this must have been for die hard fans because that could go on for a while - I think this, like the Phantom Menace, just fails on a entertainment level. The only things that saves this from being the lowest of the low are two quite action good sequences - one being a fight between Obi Wan Kenobi and Jango Fett and the other being the Jedi Droid Colosseum battle. While the latter might be mindless and emotionless it served as some sort of distraction to the other bland crap on screen.

That's it I can't be bothered writing more. It's just crap and I'm not at all looking forward to Episode III now. All that's left to say is don't ever watch this sh*t.

Rating: